Part 17: Choose Your Own Waifu Misadventure

Choose Your Own Waifu Misadventure

Last time on Black Geyser we were given a stupid and arbitrary choice over which sexy hot lady mage was going to get a magical hat upgrade from a ghost. Goons thought that was stupid, but there was a request to try to cheese it.



We're kicking Bjalla out of the party temporarily to redo the ghost fight.



Oh boy.



We only have Jade in our party, so we get different dialog.



: Quiet, Inta Rume! This is important.

You know, a better game would have set up this conflict or how these two women are affected by GREED, but because almost every word spoken by a character contradicts their actions or previously stated motivations I have no idea where we are.

: I am Morvern, a Feldegug and scion of the tribe Vandirr. A certain faction wished to wrest power from me and take control of my clan. I fled to frustrate their ambition.

Wouldn't it be easier to take power once you lef- fuck it.

: I am ready to impart my wisdom upon thee, worthy daughter. This shall be my final task in the mortal realm. Are you prepared?



Jade's entire interaction with this thing is "make it stop killing and tormenting me."



I thought the wolves were bound for the benefit of the F word snow elves? Were they supposed to be taken to the grave? Fuck it.

: But now I sever the ancient link. The wolf spirit is free, and you are released from your punishment, Jade of Isilbright. Your torment is over.

Dope! Jade's torment that literally never comes up unless we ask her about it is gone! Now let's get Bjalla back in the party.



Party members you boot out remain where you booted them out until you load a screen.

: Yes, come with me!

: Good! I was really getting bored with this place.



Suddenly Jade pulls animosity out of her ass and disappears from the party.

Reload! What happens if we choose Bjalla?


How about Jade?



If you ask Morvern to choose you get the same stuff, but Bjalla and Jade yell at you for being an indecisive moron. We lost out on 13000 XP for not doing this, but you know what?



Goons unanimously voted to just skip this garbage! Yeah, it definitely locks us out of banging Bjalla (and probably locks us out of screwing Jade) but quite frankly I am not nearly invested enough in this game's story to care about that.



This chest contains the Pact Prophecy, but is padlocked by a railroad tie forcing us to go put all the statues on the altars.



To the right of the chest is a literal altar of Rothgor, you know, the dark god who is sending out the spirits of the damned to destroy the world with greed. This is a temple. Keep this in mind.



These ghosts drop a cat sword that once uncursed puts people to sleep on hit.



Another one of these morons.



Zornilsa has an altar to the left of the Pact Prophecy chest. There are altars for Alnarius and TIlindia as well, but they're in the outer ring of the temple while the altar to the two dark gods are in the center. Keep this in mind.





I'm pretty sure this gets a Templar to 100% physical resistance, which means there's no reason to play any other kind of warrior. Oh well!



After all that boring shit I cut out we can take the Pact Prophecy.


I like the sudden transition from past to present to future in the second paragraph, really flows guys.



Once you grab the prophecy from the chest this... lady appears.



: But this knowledge could save Yerengal from deadly peril! Are you a servant of Rothgor? Or Zornilsa?

I want you remind you Sephthys is literally standing between an altar to Rothgor and an altar to Zornilsa.

: Do you try to insult me, mortal? My people were building this temple when the heroes who vanquished the Xurxur beast still roamed these lands. Our seers foresaw the Pact! They were the ones who foretold the fall of Yerengal in the Prophecy!



I don't understand this at all. Again, I want to point out Sephthys is claiming to be "most dire enemies" with Rothgor and Zornilsa while she built a temple dedicated in part to Rothgor and Zornilsa.

This fucking game.

: Who are you?

: I am Sephthys. Long ago I was the final leader of our settlement, Alvimelkedic. But for countless generations, I have been the guardian of this temple and the Pact Prophecy.



: If you are an enemy of the dark gods, why can't you let me leave?



I don't understand this. The Pendulum who is apparently an expert told us we needed a god to stop a god. Apparently these people had a whole bunch of clairvoyants just lying around, did no one try to prophesize about this?

: Their curse even wormed its way into us, poisoning our dreams. We realized that if we succumbed, all hope would be lost. So this temple became the final resting place of my people, and in turn we became its guardians.



I don't understand what exactly is happening? I thought the curse of greed was new? How did it infect these people? Are they greedy for knowledge and hoarding it? I don't think so, Sephthys's eyes are blue and all the greed eyes are green. How exactly are they supposed to use this knowledge to stop Rothgor and Zornilsa, if they're all sitting around a temple doing nothing while the curse takes the world? Is Sephthys insane? Is she secretly evil? If Rothgor and Zornilsa are their most dire enemies, wouldn't the Dark Moon be good because it breaks their power?

: Then how did word of the prophecy ever escape this place at all? We heard of it from a priest, a cleric of Alnarius!

That's actually not the first time we heard of it.


So I think demon dude is working for Rothgor. Does Rothgor know about the final pact? Does Zornilsa? Do either one of them know "the pact will be broken"? Why make the pact? Is there something like the River Styx in Greek mythology that's powerful enough to hold gods to their oaths? Why not sw... fuck it.

: Ah, that must be Arnakh's doing! That means he got out alive. He lived among my people for a while, after they banished the Xurxur beast to the bottom of the Zarndur Sea.

: We quarreled in the end. He wanted to spread word of the Prophecy for all to know. What foolishness. That would have accomplished nothing but to summon more of you graverobbers. There was a fight - a single priest against our gathered might! He fled toward the desert wastes.

: I never thought Arnakh could survive his wounds. But no matter. After all these years, you are the first to understand the truth behind his words.

That's not true? The Pendulum seemed to know about it. The random Inception monster seemed to know about it. The demon dude seemed to know a final pact was foretold. There's another copy in the church of Alnarius.



Is she supposed to be old and deluded?




So, this fight fucking sucks hard. Like all difficult fights in Black Geyser, actually attempting to stand and fight in the area the cutscene drops you in is just going to get you killed.



The lich herself is a formidable opponent, but she also spawns a bunch of those magic ghosts that do stupid shit.



This is the main reason the fight sucks. She has a big AoE that freezes anyone caught in the range - which, as you may notice, is outside the actual spell particle effect because game design.



Her minions are immune to the freeze, so she dumps Infernal Wave on the party. It's basically a machine-gun fireball spell that does stupid high amounts of damage when channeled. Jade currently knows it and Bjalla will pick it up by the end of this update.



Bjalla's voracious sexual appetite is inversely proportional to her hit point maximum and thus she burns to death before we make it out of the door.

Round 2.



The trick to this fight is to just keep moving and pull everyone into the hallway. This turns it from a shitty fight where you're surrounded by magic CC casting ghosts while frozen into a tolerable fight where all the ghosts go through the chokepoint.



Another useful trick is that Sephthys will freeze in place while channeling Infernal Wave and it hurts her own adds, so you can lure all the adds into the hallway killzone and dispose of them.



Unfortunately one of the adds hits us with that fucking Dune Ripple spell (for what it's worth, there's a scroll in the sarcophagus next to the Pact Prophecy and Jade knows it) but not before we resort to Operation: Summon Enough Dudes To Just Pick Up Sephthys And Throw Her Out The Window.



Once you clear the adds the hump of this fight is over. She doesn't do enough damage (on classic anyway) to immediately start killing people, and the ice cushions some of the damage.



I think this is the tell that her AI is switching to summoning undead now, but she's still locked into an Infernal Wave that most of the party is moving out of. It is cancelable with a move order when the player uses it.



After beating her to death we get her right arm for the bone golem quest I'm probably not going to do and this dagger that increases summoning spell duration. It goes to Jade.



Be sure to rest before leaving the temple.



These idiots have been infested by GREED and decide to rob us for all the loot from the temple.



Unfortunately for them Bjalla and Jade demonstrate the correct way to set idiots on fire. One of the nifty things about the fire spells is that in addition to doing initial damage, they add a burning DoT and a weakness to fire status. Jade here is casting Infernal Wave and literally melting her way through these idiots.

Of course, the targeting circle for Infernal Wave is completely inaccurate and you end up with friendly fire because... I dunno.



They helpfully drop a bunch of unique items that get turned into new spell scrolls for Bjalla and Jade offscreen.

I guess we have no excuse but to speak with Isla.



: I did.

: It is ending, isn't it? There is so little time left, now.



Ohh pfft. Does the game think we've romanced Isla now? That's hilarious.



: No. The prophecy involves drinking a full keg of ale and carousing with dryads. "Clothing optional," the spirit told me.

: Dryads! I daresay you'd have a better time with the trees themselves. A lot more likely to let you leave, anyway.

: Let me be frank: there is something you should know about the curse of greed.



What the fuck.

: And King Velianrick is merely three stray dogs in a robe and crown.

: Listen.

: What you've seen isn't what you think. I have spoken to a number of long-practicing shamans, who discovered a most peculiar thing: around each person infected by the "curse" are a crowd of spirits. Spirits of the dead.

You know, we've had a party necromancer who's mentioned nothing of this. I'm not sure if the shaman companion you can pick up mentions this or not, but you'd think we'd be hearing this from other sorcerers and not just Exposition Waifu here.



Can anyone explain the difference between a curse and a spirit of the dead whispering in people's ears? But wait, there's more!

: No wonder I have such trouble sleeping.



Can anyone explain the difference between a damned spirit mind controlling people to be greedy and a curse? Anyone?

: What's more, the spirits seem to be coming from a particular place. Castle Alastor, in the east. That castle has no great history of violence... at least not enough to account for so many damned souls.


Wait, how is the castle both "an ancient monument to a forgotten warlord" and a place with "no great history of violence"? So far Isla really hasn't been wrong about anything, and we're not allowed to call her on it.



: Ha! You said it! I've been waiting so long for someone to say it!

: I haven't the slightest idea what you mean.

: So I must ask you: when you go to Castle Alastor, please do what you can to end this madness. This horror has lasted too long. Seal the breach, if you can.

: Mortalkind has suffered too long.

You know what? I think the next update is going to be a theology post regarding Alnarius and free will.

: Now, before you venture out to save the world.



: Hmm. I wonder what this is all about?

: Oh, no doubt the most important thing you will ever read.

: Now go. There is no time left. I wish you fair winds.


So, what's the letter?


When I said uncursing the king had him do a complete 180 of stealing our shit to licking our butt clean I was in no way exaggerating. If we'd sided with Aldnar there would be a battle instead and we'd be able to kill him.

Of course this completely screws with the pacing of the game, because Isla, Sephthys, and the Pendulum want us to believe the curse of GREED is destroying Yerengal but the actual destruction of the civil war is coming to an end. There aren't even any riots in the streets or anything.

Next Time: Peace Talks, on the eve of destruction.